Donna M. Carollo, MA, LMFT

Marriage Counseling in South Orange County, San Juan Capistrano, CA, provided by Donna Carollo. Helping children, couples, and individuals through psychotherapy. Find healing through art and recovery classes. 

Is It Just Me?

Do you have someone in your life that is really difficult to deal with?   Maybe someone with a big personality who seems confident and successful to the outside world - but is inwardly driving you nuts with their hurtful behavior?  Do you find yourself repeatedly asking "Is it me?

So let’s just say you’re a middle-aged man with the last name of Weiner. Tough break. You probably endured lots of childhood teasing and jokes – but somehow you made it through. You probably developed a personality strong enough to withstand the jibes that surely followed you into adulthood. And you are proud enough of your heritage that changing your last name is not appealing at all. Understandable.

So now let’s say that you are so strong in your beliefs and ideals that you decide to run for public office. You feel like you can do a better job and have better judgment than whoever is presently in office. Gutsy.  Confident.  Despite a silly last name. Good for you.

But here’s where you go off-track. You actually take a picture of your wiener and text it to another woman. Wow.  Seems wrong on so many levels and ironic to boot.  You seem to ignore the overwhelming risk of losing your job, your wife and your reputation.  You ignore that you are in public office where your life is anything but private.   So impressed are you with your own equipment -  and so eager to share the image of your junk with others.  And your last name is Weiner.  It is hard not to be impressed.

But now, let’s say you get caught.  Bummer.  That’s got to be super embarrassing.  You apologize, you look sheepish – you say more such photos may arise.  You are surely repentant.  And somehow, some way, your wife forgives you – and even though you must leave your public position, at least your marriage survives.  You are a lucky son of a gun, you.

Some time passes, and you decide you deserve another shot at public office.  And why not?  You are an amazing guy - bulletproof, practically.   And charming… All those years of childhood ribbing about your last name has made you very adept at thwarting negative energy.  As well as being apparently blessed with a self-determined, photo-worthy weiner.

Such grandiose ideology is seen in Narcissistic Personality Disorder.   People with this disorder commonly have a strong pattern of self-importance and feelings of “specialness”.   They can also have a preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power or beauty.  They need lots of admiration.

Too often, the characteristics that define a Personality Disorder, such as Narcissism, are not considered to be a problem by the person themselves.   Unfortunately, however, people with personality disorders can easily drive the people in their lives into therapy.

   

Copyright 2013-2014, Donna Carollo is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist providing services to San Clemente and other nearby cities of San Juan Capistrano, Dana Point, Capistrano Beach, Laguna Niguel, Laguna Beach, Laguna Hills, Ladera Ranch and Mission Viejo.